BipolarChatroom

BipolarChatroom Blog 10

Below is a poem I have written, including my experiences, and bipolar/mental health in general

No one has a choice to be born

If some of us had the choice would we weather the storm?

Life for most people is one big rat race

But could some of us really keep up with the pace?

Life doesn't come with a guide for parents or kids growing up

Some people are blessed living with nothing but good luck

Not that they have won something like the lottery

Just that they are spared by living life stress free

A lot of people, however aren't given this gift in life

Day after day can be full of trouble and strife

People with bipolar and mental illnesses will experience this

They can live their lives quite often deep in an abyss

So hard to get out of, at the end of the day thinking "Why me?"

And over and over again the sufferer has no answers to see

Oh, but it is an 'invisible' illness, "He or she must be fine."

This is when ignorant people begin to 'cross the line'

"They haven't got their leg in plaster. They must be ok!"

If only mental illnesses were as simple and were that way

But the truth of the matter is they are not, and never will be

And no 'magic' pill will set bipolar totally free

It's an illness for life which is the truth

Talking to your Dr or Psychiatrist is the advised proof

A broken bone will, in time, heal and you will be fine

Bipolar will always be there time after time

You may wake up one day and feel as high as a kite

No cares in the world, as you don't see it as a fight

Racing thoughts, even spending money you haven't got

Taking risks, doing things easily forgot

But when that high brings you back down to earth with a bang

You may feel regret, remorse or dislike yourself. I know I can

With me that 'high' exhausts me and can bring on a low

Now this I do see as a fight as all I want is for it to go

The anxiety, panic attacks and mixed emotions in my head

Days like this I can't bring myself to get out of bed

I want to 'hide' under my duvet fall asleep until I'm ok

But a low period, for me, can last more than a day

I can't spend my life in bed and watch it go by like that

I have to try and fight the dreaded fear, the word being combat

I have been bullied for most of my life, sometimes living in fear

I have heard stressful situations, like this, can be a trigger point for bipolar and other mental health illnesses to appear

I lost my job of fourteen years due to my sick leave with bipolar

something I have never really got over

My job was my 'crutch' in life and gave me the confidence I so badly yearned for as though I needed a purpose and a goal

But that was taken away from under my feet, feeling like it 'ripped out my soul'

I haven't quite been the same since that day, a lot of the time feeling 'flat' and the anxiety has reared its ugly head more

Taking those blessed tablets to get rid of it can be such a chore

In an ideal world I would love to be 'smartie' free

But I'm afraid that isn't a possibility

I remember how I was when I was diagnosed 12 years ago

High as a kite one minute, then the lowest of the lows

I was born 6 weeks early forty years ago and was in hospital for five weeks and nearly didn't survive

Research shows premature births can also be a trigger point for bipolar later on in life

I have learnt so much from my research since I started up this site, things about 'living with bipolar' I didn't even know

And that was just over two months ago!

Things my Psychiatrist(s) never told me in 12 years!

I have started to self-educate myself, and hopefully and eventually gradually begin to 'hold back those tears'

I have started going out for walks which is a good thing to do

Physical exercise is recommended three or four times a week and I will do the same tomorrow too

I have been waking up earlier in the morning instead of lying in until mid-day or so

That is a good thing for me as I have never been a 'morning' person. An appointment at 9 o'clock used to be a no-go!

Making sure my sleeping patterns are consistant, well I'm getting there on that!

Eight hours a night is recommended, going to bed at the same time and waking up at the same time is a proven fact

Make a note of your thoughts, emotions and how you feel

This can be a good way to see possible 'trigger' points coming on and, ultimately, heal

One thing I always come back to asking myself is "Who is the real me?"

I'm not better by a long chalk yet, that I can see

But, was it when I was at school/college as a teen?

I showed no signs of having bipolar then, but the signs aren't shown until later on, it would seem

Was it when I started work at eighteen and then had a break down the next year?

Was it then the dreaded word appeared, 'fear?'

One thing I will say is since taking my medication, which has changed several times over the years, I have altered a lot

Some of the names of the drugs I used to take I have even forgot

Prozac was my first drug 17 years ago and just removed all of my emotions. I couldn't cry

This was before my diagnosis & it turned out I was on the wrong drug!! My oh my!

Since being diagnosed the 'mood swings' would rear their ugly head.

Sometimes from the minute I woke up to when I went to bed

I would make my colleagues laugh at work, being the centre of attention, craving being in the limelight

But on a low day, I barely said a word. What a constant fight!

Since I've lost my job I've had more lows than highs, but I'm hoping I can somehow control it

I've got to practise what I preach, have the courage of my convictions and start to educate myself doing what I have learnt, bit by bit

As I've said, I have taken the first steps, and hope to achieve my goal

It won't rid me of my mental illness, but it will, hopefully keep it under control

I know there will be times when it will be impossible to do

That is what my Dr, psychiatrist, family and friends are there for, to help me to get 'through'

As I have said, it may not be an easy ride

But since I have started up this site I have so many people who can 'empathise', and I can confide

Lastly I NEED to bring up the 'stigma' of mental health

People are still so ignorant about the illness and has nothing to do with race, background, age or even wealth

Even today 'mental illnesses' are still 'tabu'

Bipolar, depression, PTSD to name a few

We're not going to 'bite your head off' if you approach us

Most sufferers would kindly like to be approached by a colleague, friend so we can 'discuss'

But for this to happen, a lot in society needs to change

We're not 'monsters' and won't go into a 'rage'

Schools should educate at a young age as the chance of somebody suffering with some kind of depression in life is quite high.

They need to know more about depression, and other mental health illnesses, so they can confidently approach us, something we so need to learn to 'rely'

Let's end the stigma of mental health so more people aren't afraid/scared/unsure of what to say

All we want is for people to approach us and say are you ok?

No one has the choice to be born

But with help and self-education we can try to weather the storm

By Deano Hollett 4th March 2012

I just wanted to end with an inspirational video with various quotes. I found it the other day and is very inspiring. Remember, Positive Mental Attitude!

I am after a 'guest blogger' in the next few weeks. I have had a few people interested so far, if you are interested let me know via one of the sources below :-